A Recipe for Success in Retirement

My folks married in 1956 at a little church in San Mateo California. As they said their vows and committed themselves to each other on that cool November afternoon, I am sure they were excited to launch their future together. Looking back over what is currently year 58, they are still going strong living comfortably in the same place for the past 50 years. From their perspective I am sure the last half century has been a truly interesting, unpredictable, never boring, not always easy but well worth it journey. And for those of us lucky enough to witness their relationship they have showed us how to do it right.

My family and friends all say I look like and have many of the same mannerisms as my dad which makes sense – like father like son (my son is a chip off the old block as well). I hope I also take after my dad when it comes to the little things he does to make their relationship not only work, but rock:

No detail is too minor – dad is very in tune with mom’s likes and dislikes. Before she says a word he instinctively knows what she is thinking or in need of. And when he steps up, he always goes the extra mile. Every morning when he brings mom a cup of coffee in bed it comes on a nice tray with a freshly cut flower from the garden and the newspaper neatly folded beside. Each time the calendar rolls around to the birthdays of us kids, dad takes mom out for a dinner celebration. After all, she did the real hard work and deserves to be spoiled a bit. Dad never forgets an anniversary or special date knowing if it is important to mom it is important to him. Even when there is no special occasion, he knows each day is a one-time only occurrence and does what he can to make the most of it.

Once a romantic always a romantic – a few years back my dad gave me a book of poetry. When I browsed through it I noticed various markings and highlights. He explained to me these were some of the favorites he and mom read to each other while dating and in the years after. I can envision them picnicking in a park taking turns sharing verses from their collection of favorite poems. Dad also passed to me a love of music. It is not uncommon to see a tear in his eye while a particularly memorable song plays in the background eliciting memories held special. When out for their evening walks, the two still hold hands as they make their way around the neighborhood. I have learned from their many examples it is always the right time for a little expression of love and romance never grows old

Make time to do what you love – although tied to a demanding schedule working at the hospital, dad was sure to make time to pursue his passions. Weekends were filled with things like fishing first thing Saturday morning, a dose of determined gardening to keep those world class roses blooming, tennis with the family in the afternoon, the weekend family drive, and a hearty BBQ to end it all. Dad has lots of passions and he learned early on the importance of setting aside time to pursue them.

Mom has also shown me what is important to keep a relationship going strong well beyond the first half century:

Family first – no matter how inconvenient or difficult a situation, family comes first. Although we all have our quirks – some more generously gifted than others – when it comes down to it the bond of blood is what matters. I know having the support of my parents while going through various challenges in my personal life got me through what could otherwise have been overwhelming moments. Having been raised like this, I hope I also instill in my own family this most important priority.

Let a smile be your umbrella on a rainy day - mom has always been an optimist perpetually ready with a smile whatever the situation. She sees the glass as half full even when there is no water in it! Mom has always showed the rest of us that things are as good as we make them. This positive attitude has saved the day more than once when dad or one of us kids found ourselves momentarily down in the dumps. There is no doubt that her optimistic outlook is deeply seated in my own personality and for that I am forever grateful.

Play to win but play fair – mom is a competitive person – she likes to win. But she always plays by the rules. She never cheats at bridge, would not dream of calling a ball out on the tennis court unless it clearly was, and basically calls it like it is regardless of the consequences. Winning may be important, but how you win is equally so.

Mom and dad have one other noteworthy tidbit that helps sustain their happy life. They have fun together no matter what they do. In the car they used to sing duets as the family tooled down back roads on another road trip, alternating between songs in German and popular American tunes. They never missed a chance to hit the dance floor where they would twirl and spin enthusiastically to the music. They traveled far and wide on planes, trains and automobiles exploring new destinations for the first time or revisiting old favorites. Their calendar remains packed with dinner parties and bridge games and concerts and tennis and golf. And they have learned to enjoy doing things together as well as apart. Mom and dad live their lives adhering to some right-on advice from Michael Jordan, “Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game.”

Tomorrow morning when dad brings mom her coffee and newspaper with a red rose from the garden putting an exclamation point on how to do it right, they will continue living that recipe for success that has made the last 58 years something special for them and all of us fortunate enough to share in their journey together.

Dad And His Trumpet – Proof Music Can Keep You Young

Alas for those who never sing but die with all their music in them ~ Oliver Wendall Holmes

It is easy to be passionate about music. If you close your eyes right now I bet you can quickly think of a favorite song and before you know it find yourself happily singing along. Music is an integral part of our lives from our earliest moments bringing us happiness, calming us, inspiring us and getting us ready to boogie. Particular songs can rekindle memories of life experiences both happy and sad. It is uncanny how a few notes or a brief stanza can trigger a crystal clear vision of a significant moment or a special face as if it was yesterday. Certain songs spontaneously trigger a knowing smile while others invariably bring us to tears.

Music has been a part of my dad’s life since he was just a kid. I cannot remember a time growing up when I did not hear the piano keys jingling or the ukulele strumming while he sang a spirited song. Dad has a knack for all things musical with a passion that requires constant feeding. But his greatest passion has to be the trumpet.

On occasion dad shares stories of playing at local pubs and events to help pay his tuition while in college. Later after marrying mom he still made his way to neighborhood dive joints where he joined with mariachi bands playing into the night as smoke swirled and dancers twirled. Although mom may not have been overly keen about these moments she realized how important it was to dad and remained ever the good sport. And today at eighty, dad still practices weekly with a local band that spins their music on special days such as the Fourth of July and Memorial Day. Once a lover of music always a lover of music!

Dad’s passion for music has kept him active and engaged for over sixty years now. The constant challenge to learn new songs and get each part perfect is a labor of love. Practice makes perfect and dad knows exactly how the music should sound so there is always room for improvement. He is pursuing his passion each time he picks up his trumpet and for him there is nothing better or more satisfying than playing that next song.

What is it about music that makes it for some the passion of a lifetime? Robert Ingersoll said, “Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words.”

In my book “Are You Just Existing and Calling it a Life?” I dedicate a chapter to music and how it can drive passion and inspiration in many. Here is a section from the book:

The music we listen to impacts us in different ways. That song we sing along with can trigger emotions at many different levels causing us to more fully experience the moment:

- A thoughtful remembrance of an opportunity missed;

- A momentary escape from a situation otherwise beyond resolution;

- Inspiration in a confusing world;

- A fleeting moment of ecstasy as subtle harmonies mix to create a magical interlude;

- Sheer exhaustion as every ounce of our being becomes caught up in the energy that is the ballad;

- Enlightenment as lyrics expertly convey just what we were feeling but unable to verbalize;

- A sudden realization that things are not as bad as we thought or perhaps that they are;

- Respite from a world spinning out of control;

- An uplifting emotional experience;

- A sudden blast of energy propelling us onward with a rush that puts caffeine to shame;

- An awakening, a rebirth after hiding;

- A gift to share with someone we love;

- A release for pent up emotions when no other outlet exists freeing withheld tears, fears, and laughter;

- A crutch when little else can fill the void;

- A friend when we need one most.

I believe that love of music has truly kept my dad happy and younger than his years. He passed on to me my own passion for music that I am beginning to appreciate more and more each time I sit at the piano. And my brother’s love of music may even surpass dad as witnessed in the wonderful songs he has written and performed over the years.

If the rest of us are to learn anything from his example, my advice is to keep on singing, keep on playing, don’t stop dancing and keep on living a long and happy life with music a part of every day. If you seek additional encouragement, take a look at this YouTube clip forwarded to me by dad and now from me to you:


Who Will You Be In Retirement?

If you are like most of us Baby Boomers, you have been at this working thing for 30 or more years by now. During those joyful years, you did not have to worry much about what to do during your day. You walked into the office and the flurry began with projects, deadlines, meetings, and various hurried events requiring your undivided attention and finely-honed expertise. Boredom was not even a consideration as you more likely found yourself at the end of the day with still more on your plate leaving you with the decision of taking it home or picking it up the next day.

Then one day, if you are lucky, you get to retire. Suddenly you find yourself in unfamiliar surroundings. Instead of battling the clock, you find yourself with free time to do what you want. Finally, you can begin to pursue those interests, those true passions that you were not able to until now due to the requirements of your job. The world is waiting for you to stake your claim and enjoy that second act you have so valiantly struggled to attain.

And for the first year or so, you will probably have no problem going at it. That to-do list you have been compiling over the years is about to get to-done. Those trips you and your partner have been dreaming of taking can now be booked. You even have the opportunity to just sit back and enjoy life without work, calmly savoring that morning coffee while enjoying the moments at a sane pace with no stress in sight. This initial honeymoon period of retirement is a wonderful thing.

Unfortunately, sometimes a good thing does not last forever. Before too long, you may find yourself asking, “Is this all there is?” What exactly is it that you will do for the next 20 plus years to stay engaged and excited about life? Do you have enough hobbies and interests? Without the duties of a job filling the calendar, what is really on the horizon?

And how about this – now that you are no longer ensconced in your career, who exactly are you? When you meet someone at a cocktail party and they ask “What do you do?” the answer is typically based upon what you do for a living. Well, you are no longer a working stiff so how do you describe the new and improved you? If you are unprepared for this moment, don’t be surprised to find yourself tongue-tied and a bit unsure of how exactly to respond.

Retirement offers us a chance to redefine who we are, who we want to be for the coming years. No longer tied to the job we do, we are free to release that inner person to explore and experience the world as we want to, not as we have to. If we are fortunate enough to have saved sufficiently to allow us to live our retired life as we choose, this second act has the potential to be an exciting encore to the life lived to this point. How many of us are closet authors or would-be-musicians that have been trapped inside a life that affords no time for expression? How many have felt prisoners of the daily grind, finding no satisfaction in the job beyond the monthly paycheck? Are there many among us who can say they remotely enjoyed the life lived as a member of the working masses?

So, now that we have the time to be who we want, how will that look?

We each are limited only by our creativity and willingness to try something new. Now is the time to cut loose that imagination we may have been forced to contain. And what is really cool about this time in our life is we do not have to answer to anyone’s definition of what is “right and proper” other than our own. Who cares what others think if we are doing what we really want to do, if we are pursuing those passions that light our fire. Retirement affords us the opportunity to do those things we choose and to be the person we have always wanted.

Are you ready?

From my blog for RetireUSA.net. Dave Bernard is the author of “I Want To Retire! Essential Considerations for the Retiree to Be“. Although not yet retired, he focuses on identifying and understanding the essential components of a fulfilling and meaningful retirement. He shares his discoveries and insights on his blog Retirement-Only The Beginning.